Will you still love me after?
Cancer can make a difference in relationships that include dating, love and sexual activity. This is true whether you are single or have a partner or spouse. Before and during treatment, it is important to consider your sexual health, intimacy, your ability to have children, your plans for the future...
Yes, this is easy to write but sometimes hard to follow through. Cancer has this ability to eject anyone, including you, from their seat at diagnosis, but once dust settles, you normally gain control and are back in the driver’s seat, hands on wheel.
Medically reviewed by Urologic Oncologist Dr. Robert J. Hamilton on 11/15/2021
Most couples experience changes in their relationship when one person has cancer. Let’s face it! Being diagnosed with testicular cancer and surviving the illness can be quite a physical and emotional rollercoaster for you, but also for those close to you, and most particularly, the person sharing your life.
Facing cancer together
Facing cancer together might make your relationship stronger. Uncertainty can strengthen your love and commitment. You might decide your partnership is even more important than you thought.
On the other hand, you might be scared of ending up and facing your cancer alone. For some men, the thought of being rejected after diagnosis is enough for them to put an abrupt end to a relationship, regardless of how the person in their life feels, stating it’s best this way for both of us… What? Think again if you have true feelings for this person!
Matthew’s Testicular Cancer Story: Stage 3C, Non-Seminoma
Before diagnosis
“...I had just started dating Lauren, my girlfriend. It was around May or June. We started doing all these summer activities together. We’d go hiking, kayaking, pretty much everything, especially as a brand new couple. All of a sudden, I started to notice these minor back pains. I was in the best shape of my life, lifting a lot, working out a lot, so I thought it had to be the workouts. As the weeks went by, as the months went by, it got worse and worse…”
After diagnosis
“...All my emotions came out when I saw Lauren. Be willing to express what you’re going through. I said I was going to be strong for my parents, Lauren, my family, and I was. Once I saw Lauren, I was so nervous because I didn’t know if she still wanted to be with me. We’d only been dating for about three months at that point. To put that burden on her, I understood if she didn’t want to be around.
Not only did she say she’d be around, she would be there every step of the way. I remember hugging her and then letting all my emotions out. It was like all this baggage that’d been on my shoulders was released.”
Additional testimony available here
Love is stronger than you think
As a general rule, if you are in a stable relationship or if you are dating the right person, you will get through the cancer journey together. Especially after treatment, you and your loved one will have to establish a new normal with regards intimacy, sex, communication and future plans.
This can include helping manage treatment-related side effects that not only have a direct impact on your life as a couple but which can also impact on your desire to be intimate, physically or emotionally. Talking about it is key!
It takes two to tango
Learning to work as a team, accepting your loved one’s influence, not taking small signs of affection for granted and helping each other, respecting the other’s opinion and problem solving through compromise are all elements that contribute to maintaining a satisfactory relationship.
In other words, you need to create a warm atmosphere that encourages each of you to speak honestly about your convictions, needs and expectations in order to reach a compromise that is satisfactory to both of you. That’s what nurturing love is all about.
The road will be bumpy during your journey, but yes, love will be there during and after with the right person.
Take the necessary time to visit each of our pages on this website to familiarize yourself with the disease. Do you have questions or concerns? Above all, do not hesitate. Contact us via Messenger on our Facebook page. It’s simple, free and confidential.
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Testicular Cancer - Myths and Reality
Sources and References
Testicular Cancer Canada
UHN: A Courageous Journey...
Matthew’s Testicular Cancer Story: Stage 3C, Non-Seminoma
Written by Testicular Cancer Canada. © All rights reserved - 2021